The obvious needed accompaniment to the New York Times' story on "100 Things Servers Should Never Do" (second 50 should be out soon; the first 50 are here) is a parallel list for the customers. A few have had a stab at it -- I'm a fan of Waiter Rant's here (be aware it's predictably off-color in spots) -- but I think we can do better.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
1. Never complain about anything more subtle than a wrong order unless and until you have waited on tables for a minimum 30 days yourself. (I'm not kidding: My plan for America includes mandatory 1-month stints waiting tables, selling retail and bus-driving before the age of 25. Schwab in 2016.)
2. Don't call your server by any dimunitive -- not dear, honey, sweetie, son: Nothing.
3. Never say you're allergic to anything if you're not. Raising the specter of anaphylactic shock and its accompanying degree of care is not something you do if you just don't like peanuts.
4. Beckon a server with a nod of the head, a raise of the eyebrow, an "excuse me?" Yells, whistles, claps and especially finger snaps are not acceptable.
5. If you intend to give a server the change, make a point of saying, "Keep the change" when you hand them the money. That saves them a trip back to the table; if it's busy, every trip matters.
Now you take a turn. I'll add more...
Posted by Helen Schwab at 10:07 AM